i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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