I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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