i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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