Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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