Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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