the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
