If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
