I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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