Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
