Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
