Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
