how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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