i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
