I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
