I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
