Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
