So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
