he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
