ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
