so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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