oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
