either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
