Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
