okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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