woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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