Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
