she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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