is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
