Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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