Duck Duck Cougar?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
