sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
