my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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