I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
