Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
