It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
