Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
