You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i came on her dog
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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