that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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