this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
God, I missed his penis.
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