Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
