dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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