her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
