my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
