it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
