If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
