Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
