So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
