i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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