During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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