Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
