I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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