Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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