I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
