he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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