This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
