It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
