literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
