My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
