True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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