She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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