What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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