He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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