Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she told me i tasted like america
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
