My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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