The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
