First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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