flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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