Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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