hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
