Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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