omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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