they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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