you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
