I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
