one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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