shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize