Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
