this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
