i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
