you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
