I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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