And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Even my vagina gasped.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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