after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
