I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just cropdusted the office
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
