it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
