miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
