we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
